Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Make Stupidity A Science

Many have commented on the inspiration for the stories contained within this blog.  Mostly,  it comes from someone thinking of something really really dumb, and someone like me doing it and then hyperbolizing it in writing.  I make stupidity a science.  And that scientific approach to stupidity has catalyzed the next month of writing.

A long time ago, in the age PB (pre brewery), I read an article or had a drunken conversation with someone about stouts.  The informant indicated that stouts were intended to be malty and more starchy because the Irish needed a nutritional supplement during the potato famine, and stouts were essentially liquid bread.  In short, my ancestors used beer in place of meals.

I call this picture "Irishman with a Potato"

Now, I could Google this to find out just how true it is, but rather than attempt something rational, I am going to attempt something scientific. For the next month, I will be attempting the "Special Stout Diet." It derives its name from my head and the Special K Diet.  This flies in the face of everything Hollywood (Hugh Jackman gave up beer when he toning up for XMen), but I want to know if it is possible tone up and lose the winter weight on a beer-based diet.
What normal, healthy people eat...
Like the Special K Diet, I intend on replacing two meals a day.  However, rather than consuming something lame like cereal, I will be drinking 12 ounces of Oak Barrel Stout.  The third meal will be a normal meal.  

...what I will be eating

I anticipate many issues. Namely, scurvy.  However, I think that the third meal can mitigate that risk if I make sure to eat foods high in Vitamin C, or even take Vitamin C supplements.  I also think that Church might be an issue, as I will be rolling into services at 11am reeking of alcohol.   Some are also concerned about my liver (Hi Mom!). To those naysayers I reply, I plan on having children that will have livers I can borrow later in life. 

Prepare for tipsy posts, until I adjust to beer for breakfast.  Also, start making bets as to how long I can last.

All that to say, hello, Breakfast. Bottoms up.

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